Today’s outfit is nothing spectacular, as it has been a Sunday full of errands, homework, and feeling a bit under the weather, These thrifted polka dot pants and Old Navy sweater did keep me comfortable and warm for the first day of autumn!
As my Sunday is coming to a close I’ve been musing a bit about strength. Not sure why, it was just on my mind. I am always aiming to be stronger: be a stronger performer, have stronger willpower, a stronger mind, physical strength to help with dancing. But “strength” often has a very specific connotation. First image that pops into my mind when I think of strength is an armored, invincible superhero. Yet when I dig deeper, that isn’t what strength is at all, and I think it’s somewhat problematic that that image is what we associate with strength.
In my attempts to become stronger, I end up putting up walls, isolating my “good” characteristics and putting those on display while choking down whatever isn’t so pretty. Strength aligns itself with perfection, for me, and soon becomes something unattainable, something to obsess over. Really, strength should be much simpler than what I make it out to be…which makes it more challenging to acquire in my convoluted mind. True strength is vulnerability. True strength is acceptance – both of yourself and those around you. It isn’t all slaying dragons and saving the world.
I know this is an incredibly random blog post, it all sort of ties into who I want to be and who I want the world to see, something I think about a lot. Probably a bit too much. One of my professors recently pointed out that I choose what parts of me I show to people, rather than being a complete version of me. I edit myself into what I think others want to see, masking the negatives. And this holds me back. Not being a complete version of myself doesn’t allow me to reach my full potential.
I so desperately want to do the most I can, be the best I can, but it is challenging. Challenging to let go of trying to be perfect. It takes strength to accept that I have many an imperfection and that’s okay. Strength that I don’t have yet. But I’m aiming to become stronger.